It was 7th month of last year when for the first time I talked to Dr. Hussain Kaisrani. Here is my journey with him but first let me introduce myself.
I am one of those lucky persons on the ball of earth who was born with a silver spoon in their mouth. I was the most beloved child not only of my parents and siblings but also the whole family. My father never turned my words like my every word was a command for him to fulfil in just no time. Despite limited resources every wish of mine was always fulfilled. ALLAH blessed me with love and success on every step of life. This love from my family and blessings of ALLAH converted me into a strong and bold personality layered with confidence and courage. I was so bold and courageous that no one ever tried to mess with me or dared to talk rubbish in front of me. I was just walking on the ramp of life, holding the finger of my father, like a conqueror who has a solid ‘Don’t Care Attitude’ with no fears, no failures and no turning back.
But then suddenly the ramp of my life turned when my father flew to the heavens leaving me behind. I was so much attached to my father that I could not move from the point where he left me. I rejected every hand of my family members and put myself in loneliness as a result of which the layers of my personality started to shed off one by one; the first layer was of security and the other one was of confidence. Fear of losing and failure chained my wings. My loud laughs shrunk to forceful smiles and silence wrapped my talks.
After a few months of my father’s death a new chapter of my life started. My title changed to Mrs. from MS and I was shifted from my father’s house to husband house. It was like my journey continued on a different ramp but this ramp was as beautiful as before but for me everything was nill. My husband and in laws knowing my attachment to my father loved and cared for me a lot but I did not accept any gain in exchange for the loss I suffered in past. Despite the fear of losing dear ones was strengthening roots deep in to my heart and mind. While I was working with all this I faced another failure of my life; having no kids. I wanted to have my family just to get rid of my mental state but every time there was a failure laughing at me. At this hard time my husband and in-laws again helped me a lot but every effort of my husband to make me happy and content resulted in disaster and finally one day my fears and sense of failure pushed me to the kingdom of depression. It was not much difficult to accept this deprivation but the problem was that I was not programmed to accept failures. Shouting, crying without reason, throwing things and finding ways to fight with everyone became my routine. An ambitious girl who was famous for her intelligence, intellectuality and positivity turned into a depressed and negative personality.
As it is said ‘A sick mind leads to a sick body’, I was exposed to a number of Dis-Eases; I call it Dis-Eases rather diseases as all of these problems were the outcome of my restless mind. I was attacked by infections, due to continuous mental disturbance my fertility system got disturbed leading to irregularity in periods and PMS, lack of sleep put me in a bad mood all the time and amnesia as well. It was not only about physical issues but also some superstitions like nothing good can happen to me ever and I always lose what I love the most rooted deeply in my heart. These superstitions gathered so much strength inside me that I stopped enjoying every moment of life.
After living many years in such a state my husband heard about Dr. Hussain Kaisrani and last year I joined him as a patient. My personality barrier though stopped me sharing my weaknesses with him at the start but his polite attitude and way of treatment put me at ease to accept Kaisrani Sahab as a savior I was in need of that time.
In a short period of one year, through his consultation and therapy, I returned to the true of myself. I became the same old one who is not afraid of anyone anymore rather have courage to look in the eyes of my fears and challenges of life. I even faced my biggest failure; what if I don’t have kids?” and now I think carelessly “So What if I don’t have kids.” My ‘Don’t Care Attitude’ is back like before which has helped me to stay calm and happy. Now I just care about myself and my relations which are important for me. Though I still could not manage to cope with my Father’s death issue completely but yet it is quite manageable for me now. I don’t know how long this change will persist but one thing that I certainly know is that now whenever depression would knock at my door I would ask it raising my brow, “Oh, Hello Where? Bulaun Dr. Sahab ko.”
I thank my ALLAH for giving me such people around me, my husband and family for being so kind and loving to me and the last but not least Dr. Hussain Kaisrani for being a good psychotherapist, kind human and a competent doctor.