- There are days when I go through roller coaster of emotions (extremely angry at one time, grief, annoyance, excitement, euphoria etc etc) but currently I have gone NUMB, like I am dead inside. I dont laugh, I dont cry i just EXIST and that’s it. You may call it emptiness, apathy, indifference, I feel stony inside. Absolutely no feelings at all. Like i am a remote control machine or a ROBOT.
- I have strange impulses / urges recently. Like I just want to evaporate. As in i want to vanish all of a sudden from a scenario.
- I want to hide and never be found. When i am in a room i had have strong urge to sit in a corner instead of sitting on sofa / chair, I will have constant urge of sitting in the corner. If I am sitting on a dinning table I feel a strong urge to hide under it. If I am sitting on bed and i just feel disappearing under the bed, lay there holding my breath for the rest of eternity. (Told u I am weird =p )
- There are times when I feel so soooooooo grieved that i cant even speak, not a single word. I go incredibly silent (plz let me tell u that my friends used to say that “ur tongue is like lizards tail, it wouldn’t stop even after the lizard dies, ji shukriya my friends were lame too. But they were so right. I loved talking A LOT)
- I dont have any kind of emotional energy left (u can kill a person in front of me and i wouldn’t flinch and people who know me well can tell you that I used to be the most kind and compassionate person u would ever meet. But not anymore. I am kind of stone hearted now)
- I feel emotionally drained and exhausted.
- I used to be the kind of person who had big goals, motivations, aspirations and positive energy and insane optimism. Everything rests in peace now =p. I feel like i am already wasted and wont be able to go on.
- I have trust issues, it takes me a life time to actually trust somebody. SO much inhibitions. I just cannot lean on somebody, no matter how close they are to me.
- I have so much anxieties and fears
- I feel so detached and disinterested from my loved ones. IF u ask me that do i feel anything for anyone, the answer would be a flat NO (it makes me sad, but this is how it is)
- I feel lost all the time, like I don’t belong here (here means ANY place i am in)
- One of my biggest issues is i get soooooooo irritated when i am imposed irrationally. I dont like to be bossed around. I cannot take dictation. I become murderous. I go insane. Absolutely zero potential to put up with ANY kind of nonsense right now. I had good tolerance (reaching to the point of being self injurious, but i wouldn’t say a word). BUT right now i have become extremely short tempered. I start having tremors due to aggression. If that doesnt stop i will be facing a lawsuit really soon for committing some violence
- I have always been a very patient and tolerant person who would counsel patients and attendants for hours and hour without getting irritated like my fellow colleagues and people use to ask me “is there any way to offend you?” but right now if somebody doesnt UNDERSTAND me i become a deadly monster and feel like slapping the person (ok sorry but again this is very true)
- ANTISOCIAL to the point where i just dont want to be seen, or to see anybody. I dont want anyone to look at me, to talk to me or to even breathe in my direction .(yes, BIG NO) I dont take calls, dont respond to msgs, dont attend PTCL / Landline calls if i recognize the number. Basically i think i should move to MARS, humans are so annoying
- I can stop scratching/picking when i am anxious
- BEGGARS make me go crazy, i dont know why but i feel extremely down and uncomfortable, like i cant eat at any place where beggars are around. i cannot withstand them, become so unstable that i spend money irrationally (like bhai ye lo paisay rakh lo, jo mai kha rai hun ye b tum hi rakh lo, meri kidney b rakh lo but plzzzzz dont beg in front of me.). This is disturbing because I spend A LOT of money buying useless little cars, Doreymons, stuff toys, key chains, kids rhymes books, bubbles making pistols and all the unnecessary things only because I cannot withstand them begging. They beg from me and I beg them not to beg (You see, twisted behaviuor).
- PHOBIAS sparrows (when I don’t go on flying in the sky why do sparrows come near me?? complete violation of rules
), in all the phobias i told u earlier plz add a new one, the very recent phobia of MARRIAGE (and of course men, men NEVER bothered me, i am not the kind of girl who gets intimidated by men, have always been UNUSUALLY confident (not a chooi mooi type of girl, neverrrrrrr) but now i just hate everybody almost all of them are scary monsters heeeee heeee sorry but I wont take blame for this). I have developed this fear that may be I have some hidden underlying major disease that will show up on a very random day and I shall come to know that I cannot recover from it.
- At times I hate everybody without discrimination (you see I believe in justice and fair distribution, ok maazrat = pp)
- I like running barefooted in an open space whose other end is not visible (something like a sea-shore – water makes me feel better – river, lake something like that)
- I want to be free (free from what?? I don’t know, read somewhere ages ago that it is called ELEUTHEROMANIA (no you don’t have to google it, it means “the irresistible urge of getting free”
- Sometimes I feel like cutting my hair with a scissors
- I want to move in circles (round and round)
- I draw things (stupid things) when I am anxious
- I scratch myself, I feel like doing it even more when i am anxious
- I love watching rain to the point that i wake up in the middle of night, i have to witness it, experience it, watch it. It fascinates me, gives me strange excitement and peace at the same time.
- I don’t let myself sleep, no matter how tired I am, I feel it difficult to let go of my consciousness. I have really severe cognitive impairment.
MORE ISSUES
Anhedonia – general lack of interest in all the activities of daily life
I have a perfectionist personality trait (and I hate it), that is why it is not easy for me to withstand something that is out of system
As a child I used to be smarter than my years, very well behaved and easily getting along with people. Right now, I have defiant behaviour, become difficult at times and say things that I don’t really mean with the only intention of offending the other person. (normally this kind of behaviour is around 8-9 years)
Sometimes I don’t want to be disturbed at all, tones of mobiles, direct air from a fan, slight noise disturbs me. This makes me retreat in my room and stay there.
I feel that I will never be able to work efficiently (like I used to) in my field
I have absolutely zero tolerance for all the electronic devices mobile / laptop / tab which get stuck. I am very sure that someday I will break something expensive.
I feel like breaking something preferably something made of glass that would produce a lot noise when it breaks like krrrsssssshhhhh =p I think it will make me feel better.
I feel like if I go to some deserted place and sit there for hours it will make me feel better.
I have some weird combo of aggression and grief that is not willing to come to surface
It feels like there are two people in the confines of one body, I have a paradoxical personality a part of me gets attached too quick but the rest of me will remain detached till the end of time (this keeps me safe). A part of me loves too passionately but the rest of me will maintain composure and control. It is like i am a tragically painful combination of a really tender heart and an extremely mature mind and this doesn’t let me make peace with a lot of things. IRONY of the situation is that I have CONTROLLED IMPULSIVITY, (a person is a controlled one or an impulsive one but u see I have controlled impulsivity, spontaneous composure, unconditional irreversible love with calculated expression) too much irony!!!! (this is not about right or wrong, this is about who I am).
- I have anxiety about time, if I am supposed to meet somebody at 7, I shall be there before 7 and if I don’t it makes me anxious. I will start having anticipation about it hours ago.
- I am always in HURRY. I don’t know why but i am kind of fast forward person. It takes a lot of effort to actually relax even if i am free. I talk tooo fast (at the speed of light sometimes :p). Over all I am always on the go and in rush.
- I keep on forgetting things like keys, charger, mobile, wallet (sometimes due to absent-mindedness). I also check them again and again. I am always anxious that i have missed something.
- Changing posture again and again minimally for half an hour is kind of mandatory before falling asleep.
- I cannot sleep without a moderate pressure on my head (like a pillow, cushion)
- I cannot listen to sad songs (they make me tachycardiac)
- Exaggerated response to something happening suddenly (like if something breaks in a room i will scream, apprehension kind of thing)
- I used to be a composed presentable person but now i cannot handle my ownself I become disorganised after a while (my own hair, stoller / shawl, accessories, ear rings, jewelry). I have become so intolerant to it in recent months
- I am unbelievably insecure
- Bodyaches / myalgias: especially in morning, takes an hour to go away, difficulty walking due to bodyaches (sometimes every single step becomes painful), stiffness in hands, shoulders and neck in the morning
- Incoordination: I keep dropping thing, typing / writing texts is difficult (because I aim at different alphabet and my hand misses it / passes by it, drop my phone on my face almost everyday, break things accidentally by dropping them
- Appetite: I eat 3 times (but only in small quantities), not sufficient for a height of 5 9′, weight is decreased by 1kg again
- General appearance in past few months have changed a lot: dark circles, very pale complexion, overall sick appearance
- Skin eruptions / acne: initially it was on face now from abdomen to forehead frequent eruptions of acne / pimples
- Hair fall: 1/4th volume is already gone, ongoing hairless especially from hairline, extreme dandruff (seborrhea dermatitis – clinically diagnosed for last 3 years)
- Chronic Sinusitis – disturbing nasal discharge that falls in throat (post nasal drip). It was diagnosed 3 years back
- Leucorrhea / Leukorrhea / likoria – on and off
- Overall fatigue and weakness, lack of energy more prominent on some days
- Difficulty falling asleep once I wake up (last few days)
- Tremors – only some days now
- Low grade fever on and off during the day – started from last week and not settled yet !!!
- PMS (premenstrual syndrome) a week before periods / menses I feel extremely down, severe mood changes, irritability, lower abdominal, lower back pain, low mood, fatigue, bloating / cramping in abdomen, whole body feels tense and all of it goes away the moment periods start.
- I have tremors on and off – even though intensity is decreased but I still have them.
The Homeopathic Repertorising of the case
Arms – INCOORDINATION
Constitutions – GIRLS, general – acne facial
Constitutions – HAIR, general, head and body – loss, of hair from head
Constitutions – LEAN, thin people – weak – and melancholy
Constitutions – WEAK, constitutions – anxiety, with
Constitutions – WEAK, constitutions – emotions, from depressing
Constitutions – WEAK, constitutions – grief, from
Constitutions – WEAK, constitutions – restlessness, with
Constitutions – YOUNG people – tremors from emotional or physical causes
Diseases – SINUSITIS, infection, nose
Face – ACNE, face
Food – THIRST, general – constant, amel. by drinking cold water
Food – THIRST, general – small, quantities, for – often
Food – WATER, general – amel.
Generals – MORNING, agg. – bed, in
Mind – ACTIVITY, mental – alternating with,apathy – indifference
Mind – ANGER, general – grief, with silent
Mind – ANOREXIA nervosa
Mind – ANTI-SOCIAL, behavior
Mind – ANXIETY, general – alternating with – indifference
Mind – ANXIETY, general – attacks, of anxiety – cannot control herself
Mind – APATHY
Mind – AVERSION, mental – everything, to
Mind – AVERSION, mental – family members, to
Mind – AVERSION, mental – fuss
Mind – AVERSION, mental – men, to
Mind – AVERSION, mental – men, to – shuns the foolishness of
Mind – AVERSION, mental – mother, to
Mind – AVERSION, mental – persons, to all
Mind – CONSOLATION, general – agg., from kind words
Mind – DEPRESSION, sadness – alternating with – indifference
Mind – EMOTIONS, ailments after strong
Mind – EMOTIONS, ailments after strong – ailments after supressed emotions
Mind – EMOTIONS, ailments after strong – predominated by the intellect
Mind – EMPTINESS, sensation
Mind – ESCAPE, attempts to – run away, to
Mind – FASTIDIOUS – cleanliness, for
Mind – FASTIDIOUS – details, for
Mind – FASTIDIOUS – order, for
Mind – FASTIDIOUS – time, being on
Mind – FEAR, general, phobias – birds, of
Mind – FEAR, general, phobias – burden, of becoming a
Mind – FEAR, general, phobias – control, losing
Mind – FEAR, general, phobias – hurt, of being, emotionally
Mind – FEAR, general, phobias – late, of being
Mind – FEAR, general, phobias – self-control, losing
Mind – GRIEF, feelings – silent
Mind – HIDE, desire to
Mind – IMPULSE, morbid – contradictory
Mind – IMPULSE, morbid – run, to – away
Mind – IMPULSE, morbid – scream, to
Mind – IMPULSE, morbid – stab his flesh with the knife he holds, to
Mind – IMPULSE, morbid – to do strange things
Mind – IMPULSE, morbid – unfit, for
Mind – IMPULSE, morbid – unworthy
Mind – IMPULSIVE
Mind – INDIFFERENCE, apathetic
Mind – INDIFFERENCE, apathetic – loved ones, to
Mind – IRRITABILITY, general – alternating with – indifference
Mind – IRRITABILITY, general – consolation, agg.
Mind – JOKING, jesting – alternating with, anger – indifference
Mind – JUMPING, behavior – impulse, to – run recklessly, and
Mind – OVERACTIVE, mind
Mind – RESTLESSNESS – alternating with, indifference
Mind – SYMPATHY, general, agg.
Neck – PAIN, neck – morning – waking, on
Neck – PAIN, neck – paralytic
Hands – PARALYSIS, sensation, hands – morning, after, rising
Sleep – UNREFRESHING, sleep – morning – more tired in morning than in evening
Food – MUTTON, agg. – aversion to
Food – APPETITE, general – loss, of appetite
Mind – CRYING, weeping – difficult
Mind – INSECURITY – sense of
Mind – ESCAPE, attempts to
July 29, 2017 at 6pm
Natrium Muriaticum 1M was prescribed.
Feedback
Hussain Kaisrani – Psychotherapist & Homeopathic Consultant – Lahore Pakistan. Phone 03002000210
